In the fast paced society in which we live it is easy to feel uncomfortable with ourselves, our lives and our achievements. Every day we are bombarded on social media by images of “the perfect life”, which can easily make ours look less than adequate. The perfect Christmas family gathering, the perfect holiday, the perfect body, the perfect relationship – is it any wonder so many people feel inadequate? When we compare our lives to what people put on social media, it’s easy to feel that we don’t measure up, but if we are to feel comfortable with ourselves, the comparisons need to stop.
When you're truly comfortable with yourself, you don't feel the need for comparisons, and you don't feel the need to do things simply to impress others. You accept yourself for the unique person you are, and let’s face it there is not one single person on the planet the same as you (even if you are an identical twin) so that makes you unique and very special. In that light, to compare ourselves to someone else is like comparing a rose and an orange – they are not and will never be the same. You are not and will not ever be the same as anyone else so why compare, especially to “portrayed perfection”? You are good enough just as you are and your life is worthwhile, regardless of what is put in front of you. The key is to get to know yourself and feel comfortable with who you are so you'll be less likely to feel shaken by what other people are doing.
Here are 4 things you can do to feel more comfortable with yourself.
Embrace Your Unique Personality
As babies we allow ourselves to just be. For example, when a baby decides to walk instead of crawl, they do not compare themselves to other little walkers. They just go for what they want regardless of how their peers are doing. However, as we age, we become conditioned by those around us. If we speak loudly we are told to be quiet, if we step out of line, we are told to get back in line, if we don’t get full marks in our exams, we get a big fat red X on our page etc. We learn that to be good enough we must perform to certain standards and doubt ourselves. This is not useful but it is an inevitable fact of life. What’s more babies and children tend to accept everything they are told as truth so the “doubt yourself” mentality becomes a normal way of life. It is essential therefore that from now on you consciously stop the process of doubt. Do not just allow it to run as the habit it may have become. Intervene as an adult! If you find yourself doubting yourself, comparing or criticising yourself, stop and correct yourself into a better habit in a positive way. Affirm your natural state of being good enough and remind yourself that you have a unique personality. Then think of three nice things about yourself (write them down if you need to). By challenging the process of doubt, your brain will begin to change your habit into something better. This needs to be done every time you engage in comparison thinking until it feels comfortable to be yourself. An even more effective way to intervene is to wear an elastic band on your wrist for a full 48 hours and any time you think in a way that isn’t useful, snap the elastic band against your wrist, stop, refocus, and affirm something positive about yourself. Try it and watch how quick your brain catches on!
Take Care of Yourself and Allow for Balance
Take the pressure off. You do not need to be busy or high-energy all of the time! Everyone needs a rest to recharge and create mind space, even the “superwomen multi-taskers”. Nobody can be in full flight 24-7, even if some portray they can. Our bodies are not designed for constant on-mode. Our bodies are designed to fluctuate between being energised and rested. Therefore, you can be comfortable in the knowledge that you don’t need to be energetic or happy all the time to be good enough. If you have an off day, so what! In fact, “doing it all, all of the time” is not useful or productive for you or anyone. Delegate what you don’t feel able to do or ask for help if you need it. You are human! We all need a helping hand.
Take care of your needs, not just everyone else’s. The reality is when you take care of yourself, you are stronger and have more emotional availability for others and it ultimately makes everyone happier. It also makes it easier to feel good about who you are, so, what do you need more or less of to have a more balanced life that you can enjoy? Make it a priority.
Do you need more alone time? Do you need more adult company? Do you need more activity? Do you need to learn something new? Whatever it is for you, do it! Take one small step each day to bring about what you need.
Embrace Your Body
I wonder how happy we would be without mirrors and cameras. Wouldn’t it be interesting “not to know” what we look like and just to live without comparing each other’s bodies? We wouldn’t have a “perfect body” type or a “perfect face type” so we could all just live as we are naturally. If only. The truth is, there is a ridiculously unhealthy societal pressure, especially on women, to be “beautiful” But on a real level, we are not robots moulded in a factory so why try to mould ourselves into societal perfection. Does it ever make us happy? No! Our focus should be on health so we can feel good and pain free, not on appearance or unhealthy restrictions. After all, underneath we are all the same, simple souls in bodies that will eventually disappear, so why not enjoy LIVING instead of moulding? Throw out the diet pills, stop counting points, and just embrace your wobbly bits. Time is ticking so LIVE! You are good enough just as you are. If you need to be healthier to give you more freedom and energy, by all means get healthier but embrace your unique self. Be happy being you.
Do What Makes You Happy
One way to figure out what you’re really about is to do different things and see how they make you feel. If they make you feel bad or “stale” don’t do them. If they make you feel good, do more of that, regardless of what others think. I know people who like woodwork and it’s not my thing. Does that mean either of us is better or worse than the other? Of course not, it just makes us different, which is a good thing. People only laugh at or criticise what others do or like, if they are insecure with themselves. So dance that Tweety Bird dance if you want to, knit socks for your dog if you want to, and get married on top of a plane if you want to. Get comfortable with what you like and let others get comfortable with what they like. Embrace it all as being the spice you add to life. Embrace being the naturally beautiful person you are! And you are! xxx