A Confident You!

At one point in my life I was afraid to cross the road on my own, feeling afraid of everything and everyone. I felt useless and self-criticism was as familiar to me as breathing. Fast forward to now, I am a confident happy woman who loves life and speaks on stage in front of thousands of people every year.

So how did I bridge the gap between having no confidence and having lots of it? Below are some tips.

  • Realise. After years of struggle, I came to realise that confidence is not actually something anyone can ever have. Like happiness and success, people chase confidence but, the truth is, confidence is not something we can ever have. It does not exist as a concrete entity; it is a moment to moment feeling that we actually have control over when we have specific knowledge and skills. Please don’t wait for confidence before you decide to live life fully. The “wait-and-see-someday” approach only leads to misery. You must empower yourself by taking ownership of how you feel and do what it takes to get the result you want. As a child did you wait for confidence before you decided to to walk or talk? Of course not, because as children we don’t entertain self-doubt. We just “do” and with practice, confidence follows. The first step to becoming more confident is to decide, commit and practice, even if you don't believe you can do it. It might be difficult at the beginning but with time and practice it gets easier and becomes your new way of living.
  • Let go of labels. “I am a worrier”, I have anxiety” “I have a condition” etc, - we have become a society of disempowering labels. It has almost become normal to label ourselves with conditions and identify ourselves as challenge. The fact is, YOU are NOT your challenge, you are YOU! If you want to feel better, you must separate your challenge from your identity. And that is as straightforward as a decision with commitment. Make a decision to become greater than your challenge! Be a victor, not a victim.
  • Decide what you want and commit to it. See yourself how you would like to be. Understand that you do not have to reach your bigger picture straight away. To achieve anything worthwhile, it’s better to do it in small manageable steps. Extraordinary things are achieved by doing lots of ordinary things often and doing them well.
  • Create your action step plan and break it down into chunks of time as follows:

-       In order for you to achieve your one year goal what would you have to have done six months from now?

-       In order for you to achieve your six month goal what would you have to have done three months from now?

-       In order for you to achieve your three month goal what would you have to have done one month from now?

-       In order for you to achieve your one month goal what would you have to have done one week from now?

-       In order for you to achieve your one week goal what do you need to do TODAY?

Then focus on your DAILY ACTIONS!

  • Create and Maintain Balance. If you are to feel truly confident long-term, you must create and maintain balance in your life. For example, some people put too much their focus into career with the result of compromising their relationship. Some people put too much focus into achieving, only to realise they have no friends etc. Imbalance inany area of your life will directly impact other areas. The key is to identify what areas need improving first andmost and then creating the plan. 
  • Identify and Be True to Your Core Values. It is easy for our confidence to wane if we find ourselves in situations of conflict or put-down. We enter into the blame game, either of ourselves or others. But the truth is, conflicts are rarely created due to a person being bad, they are created due to a value mismatch. For example, imagine that two individually lovely people are in a relationship. We would expect them to get on well, right? But they don’t! If values mismatch, no matter how nice either person is, there will always be conflict and insecurity within that, if challenged. For example, imagine my most important value is family and my partner’s most important value is freedom. I get invited to my father’s birthday party and really want to attend. However, on the same day, there is a football final and my partner wants to watch it. The conflict starts and we fight. What we see here, is not two people suddenly not being good people, it is a clear value mismatch. That said, if we find ourselves in conflict, don’t automatically blame. Understand that there may be a value-mismatch and look at finding ways for accommodating all values. This applies to family relationships, friendships and working relationships.
  • Understand that you are good enough. There is not one single person on the planet the same as you, even if you are an identical twin. You are unique and that is a great thing. Don’t be a second rate someone else, be the best YOU!

Donna xxx

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